Dear Lawyers: Help Me Help You! From: Your Mediator

Although I continue to practice as a family lawyer, a considerable amount of my work is now focused on being a mediator. Gone are the days when I mediated only for those in my close geographical circle because all mediations were in person. With mediations now being held primarily online, my mediation practice has increased to include lawyers, all with different styles, throughout the state of Georgia.

Along with the safety and convenience of online mediation, however, building rapport with lawyers and their clients is increasingly difficult. I have found both lawyers and clients seem to be taking online mediations less seriously and approaching this serious legal step more casually (both in attitude and the choice of pajama pants).  

But for mediation to be successful, it takes a village. And lawyers, and ICL's, are key to the success of mediation. If they are prepared, giving pragmatic and realistic advice and supporting their client, it isn’t difficult to get to the finish line. If not, mediation gets much more challenging. The good news is that there are some very identifiable things lawyers can do, prior to or in mediation, to help make the process productive and lead to a resolution. Here are some tips: 

1. Know your client.  This may seem like a no-brainer, but when a lawyer states the name of a child wrong, has an incorrect employer or some key items are off, I can see the client’s face sink, and trust is immediately lost in the process. If needed, write down key notes on your client you can reference. Having a cheat sheet actually makes you look more prepared. 

2. Set appropriate expectations. Too often, I am finding that the lawyer is expecting the mediator to act as the “bad guy” to manage appropriate expectations for the outcome of the case.  As a lawyer, it is your job to counsel your client before mediation about the reality of their finances, custody requests, and other goals. Hearing difficult information for the first time in mediation is typically too much for a client to process to reach a binding agreement.

3. Include your mediator. Although mediators often step out of the room for the lawyer and client to discuss some important issues, try to include your mediator in your discussions as much as you can. Mediators learn valuable information from listening to your discussions such as what is really important to your client, how they are weighing information, and the advice being given about particular offers. This is an incredible tool that the mediator uses, often silently, to develop offers and craft ideas for resolution. 

4. Remember: this is an emotional day for your client. For lawyers, mediations occur often and it is just a part of the workday. Keep in mind that for someone going through a divorce or other family law situation, this is one of the most important—and often most difficult—days of their life. They must make decisions about children, finances, and their future. The reality of the divorce sometimes really hits home as these decisions are being made. Although it is just another day at the office as a lawyer, remember the significance of the day for your client. Be patient and have tissues ready.

Being prepared prior to a mediation leads to a successful session and resolution for your client. Resolving matters outside the courtroom places the control of the solution with the parties and reduces cost and conflict for families. Mediation is the optimal method to allow parties the space and flexibility to focus on reaching an agreement about their future. Let’s help them towards that future in the best position possible.