With domestic violence, it’s easy to focus only on the primary victims and offenders. However, in many situations, there are secondary victims who get overlooked: the children. When intimate partner violence or abuse takes place between parents, children’s exposure can have significant, lasting effects - even if their direct safety is never in jeopardy.
In October 2021, OurFamilyWizard hosted a panel discussion featuring legal and mental health professionals who provided insights on working with survivors and secondary victims of domestic violence. Our panelists also offered guidance on protecting and prioritizing the needs, rights, views, and voices of survivors and their children.
“We wanted to recognize the alarming rise in domestic violence and intimate partner violence that legal and mental health professionals are seeing as a result of the pandemic,” said Elle Barr, GAL and Professional Liaison at OurFamilyWizard, who moderated the discussion. “It’s important for professionals working with domestic violence survivors, secondary victims, and offenders to have the tools they need to navigate these difficult situations.”
While there were many salient points made throughout this discussion, here we’ve highlighted five key takeaways.
While the term “abuse” may lead many to think of physical violence immediately, abuse can manifest in many ways that don’t necessarily involve direct physical harm. As Hon. Maritza Martinez, who presides over cases in the Cook County Circuit Court Domestic Relations Division, explained, “You really have to look at each case and see what kind of abuse is going on.”
Hon. Martinez references an example in which one party may have had financial control over the other party throughout their relationship. She continued, “What seems innocuous has to really be set forth in a hearing to the finder of the facts to see why it is that this is emotionally abusive.”
When asked how to protect children as secondary victims, Hon. Martinez pressed on the importance of asking the court to appoint a GAL or child representative who has the proper education and training to investigate and advocate for what a child needs to have their best interest met.
“It is really important that the child not take on the responsibilities of an adult during the litigation,” she added. “The one thing that I would implore people is not to say to the child, ‘Well, do you want to talk to the judge?’ There may be some instances where that is important to do. But oftentimes, if a child doesn’t get the result that they want after they’ve spoken to the court, they’ve taken on additional responsibility, and they may come out feeling as if they didn’t say the right thing.”
We know that children exposed to domestic violence may experience a negative impact at any stage of development, but is there any particular stage in which a child is most negatively affected by the exposure?
“This is a great question and one that is asked a lot,” said Dr. April Harris-Britt, a licensed psychologist working in North Carolina. “The short answer is no. There isn’t one particular stage that [exposure] has the most impact.” She shared an example: “Exposure to something like domestic violence even during infancy may leave the parent who has been depressed less available for the child, and so [the child’s] needs aren’t met.”
“It can vary across the age range, and there is no one period in which someone isn’t vulnerable. But that goes back to the individual characteristics,” said Dr. Harris-Britt. “We know that some people are just heartier than others… that they [may be] exposed to the same adverse childhood experiences as someone else, and they have different trajectories and different outcomes.”
“While children are resilient, [exposure] will affect them in ways you don’t even realize,” added Hon. Martinez. “I’ve even had this affect college-aged children. I oftentimes say, ‘Why do we want to send this child to school with a monkey on their back? Let’s address these issues.’ ”
While much of the focus of this panel discussion was on mitigating harm to children, Attorney Carrie Holmes, who practices in San Diego, California, spoke to what can be done to support parents as survivors in these situations.
“I think it’s important to, as advocates, think about our role and the extent to which we can minimize any retraumatization of our clients,” said Holmes. “As much as we can attempt to protect their mental health, I think that gives them greater bandwidth for parenting and has a ripple effect throughout the family.”
Holmes recognizes that it may be hard to avoid some retraumatization, such as in a situation where a client must be put on the stand to give direct testimony. She encourages advocates and others working with those impacted by domestic violence to explore resources on how to be trauma-informed to offer these clients adequate support. She cites a few specific resources during the panel discussion.
“There is a way to co-parent if it’s in the best interest of the minor child, and oftentimes it is a gradual progression,” said Hon. Martinez. She urges legal practitioners to ask what needs to be put in place for a particular child to feel safe.
“[The pandemic] has really been a pressure cooker for people,” she continued. “The good is better and the bad is worse because it has just really emphasized the problems that people have had.”
She explains that a tool like Zoom has become a helpful resource that allows children to connect with a parent in a supervised setting while at a safe distance throughout the pandemic. She adds that a child being able to process visits with a therapist is key, whether at the beginning or end of the visit.
Hon. Martinez also acknowledges that it’s not possible for every person to parent in the same way and that, in some cases, it’s just not safe for a child to be with a particular parent. “If I can rehabilitate a party or parties, then I do make that effort to do that, but it has to be where it’s safe for the child.”